The cure for a fear of needles...

PREGNANCY!

I'm 6 weeks into this pregnancy and I have been stuck by a needle 4 times. The first two were the Betas I got just after getting my positive home pregnancy test. The third was my TB skin test that I got at my OB appointment on Tuesday and, finally, I have to get more labs done for my OB yesterday (HIV test, CF carrier, blood type, Provo virus, etc.). For someone who purposely avoids needles, this is huge! I've been known to faint and have mini-panic attacks, but these four have been okay. You go into a different mode when you know that it is something you have to do. Getting the results of the tests outweighs the pain and fear of the needles.

What pregnancy doesn't cure is the constant worrying. It just makes it worse! I have always been a worrier, but it has been a little excessive the last few weeks. I just don't want anything to go wrong! I over-analyze everything that happens with my body. I left my OB appointment on Tuesday more worried than I was before the appointment. Any bit of information I get, I find I way to make it abnormal to give myself something to worry about. I am anxiously waiting for my next appointment (in 4 weeks!) to make sure everything is okay, but I am also dreading it because I know I will have something else to worry about. It's the "ignorance is bliss" mentality shining through. But I can't help but worry that our baby was 3 days behind because something was wrong. There are many other explanations for this...margin of error of ultrasounds this early are +/- 4 days, or I ovulated later or the egg implanted later than I thought. And the amazing fact that we saw the heartbeat (a wonderful sign) is overshadowed by my other fears.

I am so scared to tell people our wonderful news because of the fear that something will go wrong as soon as I do. My little bubble of close family and friends are the only ones that know and I don't have a desire for anyone else to know (except one friend that lives in Cincinnati...she waited until she was 12 weeks to tell ANYONE - even her family - so I feel like I need to wait to tell her). We are getting questions from people as to when it is okay for them to share the news with the world, and I don't have a good answer. We aren't ready yet. I want to make sure everything is okay before we do. Unfortunately, I won't know everything is okay until the baby is born and we need to tell everyone before that happens!